Johnny Otha Has A Problem

This week’s second story is ALSO free to read due to a clerical error in your favor. Please enjoy and share! Margaret Dunlap returns to Sunday Morning Transport with a delightful new transaction, just in time for bureaucracy season.

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Johnny Otha Has a Problem

by Margaret Dunlap

Exhibit 1: The Emails

To: Agatha Jenkins, Head of Accounting, Vexxcorp

From: Johnny Otha, VP Future Strategic Planning, Vexxcorp

Re: Quarterly Projections

Hey Aggie,

So, I’ve got a problem and I’m hoping you can help me out. In our last meeting with the higher-ups, you mentioned something about projected losses next quarter due to high personnel transport expenses. Can you unpack that for me? Livingston is worried, and I want to reassure him everything is on track.

Best,

Johnny

PS In future, please give me a heads-up if you’re going to share something that might come off less positive.

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To: Johnny Otha, VP Future Strategic Planning, Vexxcorp

From: Agatha Jenkins, Head of Accounting, Vexxcorp

Re: Quarterly Projections

I would have given you a heads-up, but I have been unable to find you in the office for the last week, and you did not respond to my multiple messages.

You can’t reassure Livingston everything is on track because it isn’t. The company is trying to send hundreds of workers to a planet literally trillions of miles away. Transportation costs, even amortized, are more than we can expect the workers to generate in their lifetimes. Unless the plan is for the company to lose a ton of money, this is not a viable plan.

—Agatha

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To: Agatha Jenkins, Head of Accounting, Vexxcorp

From: Johnny Otha, VP Future Strategic Planning, Vexxcorp

Re: Quarterly Projections

Yeah, I’ve been away from my desk. The best thing is to leave a message with my assistant. He always knows how to reach me.

Brass tacks, what are we talking about here?

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To: Johnny Otha, VP Future Strategic Planning, Vexxcorp

From: Agatha Jenkins, Head of Accounting, Vexxcorp

Re: Quarterly Projections

Brass tacks = 🍆🍑😮

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To: Agatha Jenkins, Head of Accounting, Vexxcorp

From: Johnny Otha, VP Future Strategic Planning, Vexxcorp

Re: Quarterly Projections

Okay, but Livingston is really committed to this space thing. Since end of quarter is coming up, just make the numbers work for now. We’ll find a way to smooth things over by the time next quarter rolls around. K?

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To: Johnny Otha, VP Future Strategic Planning, Vexxcorp

From: Agatha Jenkins, Head of Accounting, Vexxcorp

Re: Quarterly Projections

This is not a quarterly kind of problem. It’s a cockamamie scheme trillionaires come up with on the golf course while they’re doing coke off their caddies’ asses.

Transporting an entire workforce to a planet in a different solar system at near-relativistic speeds is insanely expensive. The fuel costs are prohibitive, not to mention nutrition and medical support en route, and no workers will be generating revenue until they arrive, which will be just under two years for them, but at least twenty for us.

The boss would be better off trying to build a factory in Ohio.

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To: Agatha Jenkins, Head of Accounting, Vexxcorp

From: Johnny Otha, VP Future Strategic Planning, Vexxcorp

Re: Quarterly Projections

I asked, and Ohio is definitely a no-go. Turns out, getting around these earthside labor laws is why Livingston wants to head for space!

If I understand correctly, we aren’t paying wages to anyone until they earn back their cost of passage. So the whole transit operation is revenue neutral, right? Let’s make sure that’s reflected in the quarterlies.

—Johnny

PS That’s . . . not how golf works. Let me know if you want to hit the links sometime. Happy to take you!

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To: Johnny Otha, VP Future Strategic Planning, Vexxcorp

From: Agatha Jenkins, Head of Accounting, Vexxcorp

Re: Quarterly Projections

I quit.

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Exhibit 2: The Transcript

(Note: phone conversation transcribed from security camera located outside EZ-FREEZE corporate offices)

“Johnny! So glad I ran into you on the golf course! You said you’re having issues getting your workforce to the Sigma System?”

[indistinct]

“Woo boy. Who’re you working with?”

[indistinct]

“Oh.”

[indistinct]

“Oh no, they’re fine. Good company. Solid. And don’t get me wrong, near-light-speed drives are a great technology; absolutely has its place, I’m just not sure they’re right for you.”

[indistinct]

“Price is an issue for sure, but on top of that, have you thought about the time factor?”

[indistinct]

“Two years is faster than twenty, but that’s for them on the ship, not for you back here. You’re not saving any time, relativistically speaking. Plus, two years isn’t nothing. Your people can’t chat with anyone back home thanks to the time dilation, so what’s left? Catch up on the classics? Get outta here. No, they’re gonna work out, get jacked, get bored, and then what? They’re gonna start talking to each other. Conversation leads to collaboration. Next thing you know, you’ve got a union drive on your hands.”

[indistinct]

“Oh no? I hear Olympus Mons United Workers is petitioning for recognition any day now. Mars might be the Red Planet, but c’mon. No one set up shop there so they could rehash the same bullshit we have to deal with back home.”

[indistinct]

“That’s why this deal is so killer. With EZ-FREEZE, your employees slip into a Cryo-Pod, take a nice nap, and wake up fresh and ready to go. It’s a win-win. They don’t lose two years of their perceived lives; you get a workforce as fresh and excited about their new jobs as they were the day they went in. As excited and better trained, by the way. We have audio hookups so you can do subliminal onboarding while they sleep. It’s very slick.”

[indistinct]

“No worries. The pods can run for at least forty years without maintenance. Take as long as you want to get to Sigma. Who cares?”

[indistinct]

“Okay . . . maybe your workers won’t be thrilled, but by the time they find out what happened and how long it’s been, they’re light-years from home and the only route back takes just as long as the ride out did. What are they going to do?”

[beep, incoming call]

“Look, I gotta take this, but you’re having lunch at the club tomorrow, right? We’ll work out the details then and play a round to seal the deal. Awesome. See ya.”

[End of Transcript]

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Exhibit 3: The User Review

EZ-FREEZE CRYO-POD

Username: stanley_572 *Verified User*

Headline: YOU [REDACTED]!!!!

1: When were you a user of the EZ-FREEZE Cryo-Pod?

I DON’T KNOW! WE AREN’T ON EARTH ANYMORE! THE DAYS AREN’T THE SAME, WE DON’T USE THE SAME CALENDAR, AND NO ONE WILL TELL US HOW LONG WE WERE ON THAT [REDACTED] PIECE OF [REDACTED] THEY CALL A SHIP!!!!!

2: As objectively as you can, describe your experience entering cryo-sleep.

IT FELT A LOT LIKE BEING [REDACTED] LIED TO!!

2 (2nd attempt): As objectively as you can, describe your experience entering cryo-sleep.

You want objective? Fine. Here’s what happened:

We got to the spaceport and onto the ship. Some people met us and said we all had to be sedated for launch. Something about it being more comfortable during acceleration. No one at Vexxcorp had mentioned that, but it kinda made sense, so we all went along. The pod was maybe a bit much, but when Alvarez asked, they said the g-forces got pretty intense. They sealed us up, and it got real cold, but then I was out, so whatever.

3: Describe your experience with the EZ-SLEEP Subliminal Learning System, if applicable.

Is that what those chipmunk voices yammering in my head were? I thought I caught something about workplace safety and harassment policies, but they talked so fast. . . . Did any of you geniuses think that maybe people’s brains slow down when they’re frozen? Or that you could give it a rest sometimes?!?

It was never quiet. Ever. EVER.

4: Did you experience any adverse effects upon waking?

You mean other than waking up light-years from home two decades after I left?!?

Well, about five days after I woke up all my hair broke off at the scalp and my fingernails and toenails fell out. Happened to some other guys too, so it’s not just me. Everything’s growing back, but my fingers feel weird without nails and my scalp is really itchy.

5: Did you receive anything of value in return for this review?

No, I didn’t! Look, I don’t know if this is [redacted] or what, but if someone is reading this, please, for the love of God, let our families know what happened! Tell the police, the media, someone!!

We’re all alone out here.

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Appendix A: The Historical Record

(article and edit history accessed 2183-11-04)

Vexxcorp Manufacturing

Vexxcorp Manufacturing was founded on Earth in the mid-twenty-first century with the stated goal of “disrupting”[1] existing earthbound manufacturing models.[2]

[1] Scare quotes not present in source. Deleted for editorializing. (Vexx4Lyfe229)

[2] Mission statement on website http://www.vexxcorp.corp, retrieved from archive.org. (Vexx4Lyfe229)

History

Amid worsening environmental crises, strained labor relations, and the many global conflicts of the mid- to late-twenty-first century, visionary Vexxcorp founder Eustace Livingston launched a daring plan: to jump-start humanity’s transition to the stars[3] by establishing a factory, colony, factory, space plantation,[4][5] factory[6] on one of the first confirmed habitable extrasolar planets, Sigma 3.

[3] He’s dead, dude. You can stop kissing his ass. Sorry, I mean: Revise biased language. (ck)

[4] Stop changing my edits!!!!! (Vexx4Lyfe229)

[5] Stop erasing history, dude. (ck)

[6] It was technically a factory. Knock it off, people. I’m locking this section. (MOD)

Controversy and Lawsuit

It is unclear why anyone thought manufacturing physical goods that would eventually need to be shipped back to Earth in another frikkin’ solar system was a good idea, but apparently twenty-first-century trillionaires didn’t have enough things to blow their money on.[7][8][9] In 2075, an anonymous whistleblower at EZ-FREEZE Ltd. leaked user reviews that alleged Vexxcorp workers had been transported to the Sigma factory in a state of cryostasis rather than aboard ships traveling at near-relativistic speeds as promised in their contracts.

Vexxcorp denied all wrongdoing. However, in an interview, Agatha Jenkins, former Vexxcorp accountant, alleged the firm was having money troubles related to the Sigma factory and “freezing people to save a few bucks sounds like something upper management would come up with.”[10][11][12][13][14][15] However, she was no longer employed at Vexxcorp when the alleged misdeeds took place.[16]

In spite of these allegations, Vexxcorp continued sending employees to the Sigma facility for an additional three years until shareholders voted to remove Livingston as CEO and shut down the plant as part of Vexxcorp’s Chapter 11 bankruptcy proceedings. Workers’ families sued to require the company to transport their loved ones back to Earth, but the court ruled this impractical, as the company had insufficient funds for such a venture.[17] Appeals are ongoing.

A civil suit was later filed seeking damages against Vexxcorp VP Jonathan Otha, whom Livingston testified had made the change to transport employees via cryo without his knowledge or consent. Otha was found liable in a default judgment when he failed to appear in court. Because he was a cowardly snake.[18][19][20][21][22]

[7] Who needs to revise their biased language now, Luddite? (Vexx4Lyfe229)

[8] Sorry, no lies detected. (ck)

[9] Extraneous, deleted. I’m warning you two, play nice or take it outside. (MOD)

[10] (September 17, 2075). “Former Vexxcorp Employee Speaks Out,” The New York Times. Retrieved Nov 1 2183. (ck)

[11] Agatha Jenkins is a reliable source now? Everyone knows she was out to get Vexxcorp after they fired her. (Vexx4Lyfe229)

[12] She wasn’t fired, she quit. (ck)

[13] Yeah, that’s what she said. (Vexx4Lyfe229)

[14] That’s what your girlfriend said. (ck)

[15] I am getting out my banhammer RIGHT NOW, people. Last warning. (MOD)

[16] Added for context. (Vexx4Lyfe229)

[17] Alvarez et al. v. Otha (Harris Co, 2076). (ck)

[18] DELETED, you know why, ck. (MOD)

[19] At least you admit it was Otha, not Livingston. (Vexx4Lyfe229)

[20] I admit nothing. (ck)

[21] I admit that you’re a cuck. (Vexx4Lyfe229)

[22] THAT IS IT! Article locked. You’re both banned for forty-eight hours. Cool off and touch grass, if you can find some. (MOD)

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Coda: [Unrecorded and off the Record]

“Hey there. Shhh . . . you’re okay. No, no. Don’t try to talk yet. You’ve been in the freeze awhile. My name’s Stan. And in case you don’t remember it, your name is . . .

“Huh. That’s weird, looks like your personal data got corrupted. Probably the radiation. Not a huge surprise, given how we found you and . . . everything else. I’ll get the interpolator going and see if it can’t piece your name together. It’s gotta still be down in the code somewhere.

“I don’t suppose anyone told you that you were going into cryo? Try to nod or shake your head if you can.

“Oh, good job! I mean, not a good job that you didn’t know. But good work with the neck muscles. It’s a good sign. Later, when you’re feeling better, you can tell us your story. It’s not required, but we’re trying to get as much as we can on the record. In case anyone from Earth ever comes looking for us and wants to know what happened. But there’s no rush.

“The important thing to keep in your mind is that you’re alive, and you’re safe. You’re also in the Sigma system. In what used to be the Vexxcorp plant, but, ah . . . You don’t work for Vexxcorp anymore. Pretty clear they’ve cut us loose up here. No ships in years. No messages. Nothing.”

. . .

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to lay all that on you. You’ve got your own problems. But it’s okay, we’re all in this together. We’ve got direct democracy and everything. A couple union organizer types got themselves hired on specifically to try to turn Vexxcorp from the inside once we got out here. That’s commitment to the cause, right? The union is kind of moot, but the organizing comes in handy. They’ve got committees and subcommittees and working groups for everything. It’s a pain in the ass, but I guess it works. Sort of. I mean, it’s been how many years and we still don’t have a new name for this place? The naming subcommittee proposed New Columbia, but the DEI committee said that was just colonialism 2.0, and then it was back to the drawing board. Don’t worry, though, the guy who proposed Marxlandia got shouted down right away, so that’s one bullet dodged, and you got to sleep through the whole thing.

“I’m babbling, I know. Having something to focus on usually helps people as they’re waking up. You’ve been asleep listening to those learning tapes for . . . a really long time. I tell you, if I could get my hands on one person back on Earth, it would be whoever came up with those subliminal recordings. I’m never going to get ‘proper protocols for depressurization practice’ out of my head. Ever.

“Anyway, going from endless corporate speak to silence really messed some people up before we figured out what the problem was. So now we make sure to talk to folks while they’re thawing out. You probably won’t remember much of what I’m saying. It’s all right. I’ll get you caught up again.

“You doing any better? Nod or shake . . . No? Not at all? Well, the docs said you might have a rough time. Your ship arrived a good ten years ago? Maybe more? The recycling crew finally found your pod, crammed into the superstructure like a stowaway. I don’t know who you pissed off back on Earth, but they must have been plenty mad. We thought you might’ve been cooked by the radiation, but apparently an engine shadow blocked the worst of it. Either you got lucky, or whoever packed you in wanted you to wake up on the other side.”

<Bleep>

“Ah, there’s your name. See, I told you the interpolator would pull it up.

“Okay. So for now, just focus on this. Your name is Jonathan Otha—

“Oh shit. You’re the one who—

“Oh, Johnny. You’ve got a problem.”

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Thank you for joining our journey this week.

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Margaret Dunlap is a screenwriter, proud union member, and author of more than a dozen published short stories and novelettes that have appeared in Uncanny, Apex, and The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction, and as part of the Locus Award–nominated team behind Bookburners. Her television credits include cult-favorite The Middleman, Eureka, Blade Runner: Black Lotus, and the Emmy-winning Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance. Find her on the web at www.margaretdunlap.com, or through her newsletter, the very accurately named Margaret’s Nearly Monthly News. “Johnny Otha Has a Problem” is Margaret’s third story for The Sunday Morning Transport.

“Johnny Otha Has a Problem” © Margaret Dunlap, 2026.

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